Introduction

Avoidance. Why is it so hard to do the things we need to and, more importantly, want to do?

Sometimes it can seem like our biggest obstacle in the world is ourselves. We’re good at derailing ourselves, especially when we’re feeling unsure, stressed out, or as though we’re just not up to the task. Our self-doubts and perceived inadequacies become our greatest challenge, and the next thing we know, we’re avoiding living our lives or getting things done. We are being held hostage by our own thoughts.

This is especially true when we’re faced with the hard stuff. Those big projects, those monumental tasks, can feel like too much and as a result, we back away, pretending they’re not there at all. I’m good at this!

This isn’t quite a recipe for success, is it?

Thankfully, there’s hope. In this post, you’re going to learn about avoidance, starting with what it’s all about and how it holds us back. From there, we’re going to figure out why sometimes we have no problem doing things, and other times we can’t seem to get started no matter what. Then you’re going to learn how to defeat avoidance once and for all by trying several helpful tips that are sure to get you back on track.

Ready to get started? Then let’s jump right in!

What is Avoidance?

When you hear the word avoidance, you probably already have a fairly good idea of what it means. Simply put, avoidance is when we avoid doing things, even though we know we probably should just get it done. There’s a lot more to it than that, though. In fact, there are five different kinds of avoidance. Let’s look at each in a little more detail.

Situational Avoidance

Of all the different types of avoidance, situational avoidance is probably the one you know best. This is because you learned it at a very early age. When you are avoiding situations, it tends to be because you have had a negative experience regarding this situation in the past. You will do anything you can to keep from repeating this experience.

For example, as a child, you might have been chased once by a neighbor’s dog. Afterward, to prevent this from happening again, you might have started walking past that house differently. You might walk across the street rather than risk seeing the dog again. This is an avoidant behavior.

Some would say these kinds of avoidant behaviors make perfect sense. After all, why risk the situation when you might re-experience a past trauma? The problem with this kind of avoidance is it does not allow for the opportunity to grow and move past the situation. Going back to the earlier example, you might become so avoidant of dogs you never know the pleasure of having one as a pet.

Of course, it makes sense to avoid some situations. For example, avoiding something which has proven harmful or even life-threatening, such as drunk driving, is a very good idea. The trick here is to take time to assess what situation you are avoiding and why. It could be situational avoidance is not helping you as much as hurting you.

Thought Avoidance

Sometimes what we are avoiding is less external than internal. With thought avoidance, you will find yourself avoiding certain memories, thoughts, or even thought processes. For example, because you feel sad your mother died, you might avoid thinking about her at all. You may even avoid memories that lead you to think about your mother in a small way.

The interesting thing about thought avoidance is: we’re not always aware we’re doing it. After all, how can we possibly know what we’re not thinking about? But at other times, you will find this a very conscious process. These are the moments you will tell yourself, “I am not going to think about this.”

Is thought avoidance always a bad thing? Sometimes it’s good to lay aside our thoughts. On occasion, we need to get other things done. So, thinking about your vacation next week might prevent you from getting the work done today which you need to do. In these situations, it’s perfectly normal to avoid thoughts that might distract you. Also, thought avoidance could keep you from worrying about the future or getting caught up in a cycle of repetitive thinking.

Thought avoidance becomes harmful when we put aside things we should be thinking about. For example, avoiding thinking about a deadline will not make the deadline go away. Nor will ignoring thoughts which might be trying to tell you something useful about something which needs your attention.

On a deeper level, thought avoidance might keep us from working through painful memories or dealing with trauma.

Protective Avoidance

Some types of guidance are there to keep you from experiencing pain. This can be a good kind of avoidance as it keeps you from touching a hot stove or indulging in a toxic relationship. Sometimes though, even protective avoidance can go too far.

The most common form of protective avoidance is procrastination. We tend to put off things that we feel unsure of accomplishing. If you’re worried about failure or looking like a fool, you are very apt to put off what you are doing. Unfortunately, we tend to overthink these situations. Procrastination Is very rarely a good thing.

Protective avoidance can also become extreme. Think about obsessive-compulsive behavior. The constant washing of one’s hands might be used as a way to keep them safe from germs. This is an avoidant behavior. Eating disorders work in much the same way.

If you feel like you are experiencing protective avoidant behaviors that damage your health, either physically or mentally, please seek help from a healthcare professional.

Somatic Avoidance

The word ‘somatic’ can seem confusing. Somatic refers to the physical body. This means any kind of avoidant behavior which pertains to one’s physical self. This behavior includes emotions and even the physical reactions we have to outside events.

For example: Anytime we suppress the emotions, we are avoiding experiencing them. So refusing to allow yourself to cry when you feel sad or shoving down anger to keep from expressing it are both examples of somatic avoidance. 

We take somatic avoidance to a physical level when we refuse to react to situations. In some respects, we are taught this as children. We might have learned not to scream noisily even when we’re excited about things because it’s ‘improper’ to shout indoors.’ As a result, once we are adults, we might have trouble expressing excitement, even when it’s appropriate.

A very common way in which somatic avoidance can become a problem is in one’s sex life. We might think it is wrong to feel desire for someone else because of how we were taught as a child. As a result, romantic feelings might be avoided if they are felt toward the “wrong” person.

On the other hand, somatic avoidance can still be considered useful. When coupled with thought avoidance, somatic avoidance could be a powerful tool to fight anxiety. If you are experiencing a panic attack, you can use these together to calm breathing and even slow your heart rate while at the same time controlling racing thoughts.

Replacement Avoidance

In replacement avoidance, you take one thought or emotion and shift it out for another. For example, if you are feeling angry, you might instead force those feelings into sadness. This might not seem like a big deal until you understand the role avoidance can play in depression. Many times, depression is made up of other redirected emotions which you are not able to express.

As you can see, avoidance is everywhere and has many components. You also are probably getting some idea of how avoidance can be very damaging in our lives. Let’s explore this further in the next chapter.
 

How Does Avoidance Hold Us Back?

“Avoidance is the best short-term strategy to escape conflict, and the best long-term strategy to ensure suffering.” – Brendon Burchard

At first glance, this quote may sound funny, but stop to think about it for a minute. The point here is that the outcome is the same regardless of which version of avoidance you’re using. While at the time, it might seem simpler just not to do a thing, you will find avoidance can truly create more problems than it can ever solve. What you’re going to find is just how much avoidance is a matter of putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to deal with whatever it is you’re trying so hard to ignore.

Let’s examine several areas of your life where avoidance does more harm than good.

Avoidance and Your Social Life

Remember situational avoidance? Here is where this has its biggest impact. When we start avoiding various situations for fear of how things will come out, we start limiting our lives in profound ways. Avoidance is our social lives takes on many forms. Think about these scenarios:

• You’ve been invited to a social function. You don’t know anyone there, and although you hear it’s going to be a great networking opportunity, you decide not to go.

• You love your mother, but she’s been nagging at you about your relationship. You’d like to set a boundary and tell her this topic is off-limits, but you have no wish for confrontation. In the end, you start dodging her phone calls and not spending time with her at all.

• You’ve heard the new restaurant downtown is fabulous. Your friends are going to try it out, but you’re still not sure. The last time you tried a new place, you wound up with a case of food poisoning. Finally, you decide it’s better to have lunch somewhere familiar rather than risk a meal which might end unpleasantly.

Chances are, some of these situations sound familiar. But what you need to notice is how each of these scenarios ends. In every case, avoidance has caused you to miss out on what could have been a pleasant social interaction. The more you avoid going out, the less likely you will be content in your social life. Worse, the alternative seems to have a way of leaving you all by yourself. Not a great outcome, is it?

It gets worse. If you find yourself avoiding conflict in social situations, you might find yourself in toxic relationships or agreeing to scenarios that are not healthy for you. It’s these kinds of situations that lead to peer pressure and bullying.

Remember, avoidance in your personal life can lead to very uncomfortable outcomes without boundaries to protect you. It can also lead to isolation, affecting your mental health (which we will talk about in a moment).

Avoidance at Work

At work, we become masters of avoidance. We put off projects which feel like a waste of time. We avoid meetings for which we don’t see a point. We head for the hills every time someone is setting up a taskforce which feels time-consuming. We learn how to duck extra work, extra responsibility, and long pointless conversations. The thing is, most of the time, we feel fully justified in doing so. After all, how can we get our work done if we’re constantly being interrupted or given useless things to do?

The problem is, avoidance at work may be a way of protecting your current workload, but more often than not, it also becomes a trap, holding you in a dead-end position with no hope of ever moving up.

How does this happen?

More often than not, avoidance also keeps us from finding a new opportunity.  If you never work with new people, you never make the connections that might carry you to the next level. If you’re never on hand for new projects, eventually, you might not be asked anymore, keeping you out of the loop when something truly important comes along. Lastly, avoidant behavior can label you as being not a team player. All of these things will affect your outcome negatively at your next employee review.

Worse, suppose you start putting off the work you already have. In that case, chances are you will miss deadlines and be seen as “unreliable.” This behavior could lead to disciplinary action and even losing your position in worst-case scenarios.

Avoidance and Physical Health

You wouldn’t think avoidance could affect your physical health, but it does. We are especially good at avoiding healthy things. We can find every excuse under the sun to keep from exercising. We’ve heard certain things are healthier to eat, but we avoid trying them because we have no idea what they taste like or even how to prepare them. We even avoid opportunities to make our lives healthier by arguing the old ways are better and more familiar.

Worse, we avoid going to the doctor when we think something might be wrong because we don’t want to hear the outcome. We’re afraid our pain might be something serious. We don’t want to know why we feel tired all the time or afraid of a lecture because we haven’t been doing the right things.

The problem is all this avoidance piles up. Our health suffers because we aren’t taking care of ourselves. And it’s impossible to correct something when you don’t know what’s wrong. Imagine if you had a heart condition, and your avoidance of the doctor kept you from finding out about it. One day your kids beg you to take them to the park. You play long and hard and have a great time, right up until you collapse. Hopefully, the worst that will happen is you’ll get a trip to the hospital, and you will discover what’s going wrong. Unfortunately, ignoring your health has a way of turning fatal.

Where our physical health is concerned, avoidance truly can be deadly. It is important to pay attention to your body. 

Avoidance and Mental Health

The biggest problem with avoidance is what it does to our mental health. We’ve already touched upon this a little bit in some of the previous examples. The problem is, avoidance typically comes from within. Yet it’s your brain that is screaming at you to avoid things, as referenced in this book’s title.

Why in the world do we indulge in self-sabotage?

This answer can be complicated. We already looked at some of the reasons for avoidance in the last chapter. The problem is not so much the cause as the effect.

these three things are all the result of avoidance:

• Stress
• Anxiety
• Depression

How?

Whenever we put off a task which we should be doing, it creates a certain amount of stress in our lives. We think we’re doing ourselves a favor because now we don’t have to do the thing, but instead, we find ourselves thinking about it. We worry about when it is going to get done. We worry about whether or not somebody is going to get angry at us for not doing it. We worry we’re letting ourselves down. These feelings are pretty stressful, and we could have avoided them if we had just done the thing.

Anxiety is what happens to this stress as it escalates. We start worrying about the outcome of avoiding the task. What if we do get in trouble for not getting it done? What if we lose the client, or worse, our job? Suddenly, we become uncertain. We will then become frantic because we didn’t do the thing and don’t have time to do it. Or worse, we might put it off too long, and there’s no way of building back the relationship or resurrecting the job at all.

Enough avoidance can send you into a panic. We become convinced disaster is just around the corner, all due to the things we are avoiding. It doesn’t even have to be true. Just imagining it’s true is enough to create this kind of anxiety in our lives.

Now imagine the long-term ramifications of using avoidance. As we saw in the last chapter, some forms of avoidance affect us emotionally by refusing to feel the things we are feeling. This kind of battening down the hatches can lead very easily to depression. After all, emotions unexpressed have a way of eating away at us.

But depression can come in other ways. When we put things off, it becomes very easy to think of ourselves as failures for not having just gotten things done in the first place. After all, successful people do not procrastinate. Right?

Even using avoidance as a means of dealing with conflict can lead to depression. It’s very hard to feel good about yourself when you never say no, or worse, never create healthy boundaries, so you are constantly being treated badly.

Avoidance and Accomplishment

Lastly, consider this: Just how much do you think you get done when you use avoidance?

The problem is, while all the other reasons why avoidance is bad can sound terrifying, we’re also really great at thinking, “Yes, but that won’t happen to me.” So maybe you won’t wind up with crippling anxiety or horrifying depression by using avoidance once in a while. But there is one thing avoidance will always do: it will keep you from getting things done.

While avoidance might seem like a good idea and even be touted by some self-help gurus as the ultimate solution to all your problems, it isn’t. Sure, you can use it to keep from thinking about things when you’re trying to get something else done, but it doesn’t deal with the root of those thoughts and why they keep cropping up. Worse, you might be silencing what your subconscious is trying to tell you. Whatever the case, your avoidance strategies are distracting you. They’re also keeping you from doing the very things you need to be doing right now.

In short, avoidance is standing in the way of your success.

It sort of makes you wonder why you keep using something which only holds you back from accomplishing what you need to, doesn’t it? Ready to find out why? Then keep reading.

Why Do We Avoid Certain Things?

Why do we practice avoidant behaviors? Our gut reaction might tell us we’re just lazy. In fact, if you’ve been using avoidance already, someone else might have already labeled you with this particular tag. You might have even started defining yourself this way.

The thing is, there’s a lot more to avoidance than a one-size-fits-all definition. There are many reasons we avoid things. Sometimes it’s emotional. Sometimes it has to do with history, as we discussed in chapter one. Sometimes it’s more than one reason.

The Big Three

You can throw almost every usage of avoidance into one of three categories. These are:

Confusion

Let’s face it; we’re pretty busy on a day-to-day basis. How are we supposed to know the best thing to do in every given circumstance? This becomes especially confusing in an era of fake news, an Internet full of disinformation, and a lot of overly helpful friends ready to steer us wrong coupled with our thoughts, ideas, and even bias. In the end, it’s easier to avoid making decisions when you’re unsure.

Outside Experts

There is always someone who we accept to be in authority over us. When we’re children, we expect our parents to know everything. As adults, we tend to put a lot of trust into our managers or bosses, clergy, college professors, and even people such as celebrities, influencers, and other people who just seem to have a lot of authority. Every one of these has an opinion of what we should be doing right now. They are also incredibly helpful at telling you what you should avoid. One diet guru will tell you to avoid gluten. Another will recommend you eat keto. Who is right? It doesn’t matter. Whichever one you’re listening to is dictating your avoidant behavior. This can become extremely complicated and even more stressful when you have people in your life who you feel have equal authority and weight who are both telling you to do something different.

Stumbling Blocks

We are also very good at tripping ourselves up. We don’t need to stall out to become confused by outsiders when we’re full of self-talk, previous experiences, unresolved trauma, and other obstacles and roadblocks all rooted in our minds. We can give ourselves plenty of reasons to avoid something without even trying.

The Quick List of Excuses

Do you think you’re immune to the power of avoidance? Think again. Avoidance happens to everyone. It crops up in every situation, in every walk of life. There isn’t a person on the planet who hasn’t avoided something at one time or another. Let’s see if any of these phrases sound familiar:

“I Have Too Much to Lose”

When the stakes are high, sometimes it’s easier not to decide at all rather than risk the wrong one. 

“Everything Will Work Out Okay”

Sometimes we just don’t want to face the truth. We avoid visiting the doctor or asking awkward questions, thinking it’s better just to pretend there’s nothing wrong at all.

“It Didn’t Work Out Very Well Last Time”

Of course, our past experiences will shape present decisions. Unfortunately, this leads to broad generalizations. For example, if you had a car accident while raining once, you might avoid driving in the rain.

“They Might Get Upset with Me”

Confrontation is difficult no matter what your situation. The idea of getting someone upset with you can be daunting. Avoiding difficult discussions or setting boundaries is so much easier than an honest discussion.

“I’m Not Sure Where I’m Going”

When your goals are unclear, it’s very difficult to know the steps needed to get where you want to go. Whenever the next steps are muddy, we tend to procrastinate, which is another type of avoidance.

“What Doesn’t Sound Fun”

Human beings are wired to seek out pleasure. It’s just natural to avoid anything we perceive to be unpleasant. This is why we put off making dentist appointments but have no problem fitting a day at the amusement park on the schedule.

“What if I Fail?”

Outcomes aren’t always certain. Whenever you try something new or experiment with something that would be considered innovative, you’re taking a risk. Worry about failure is one of the biggest reasons we avoid experimentation. It’s also one of the big reasons people drop out of college.

“I Don’t Have Time”

Of course, you don’t. Who has extra minutes in the day when there are so many other things to do? Between work, school, social life, hobbies, and what’s streaming on Netflix, there isn’t a moment to spare for anything even remotely difficult or uninteresting. This goes back to the pleasure/pain principle mentioned above. It’s easy to avoid something for the sake of something else when time is limited, especially when one of your options looks a lot more fun or seems more pressing.

“I Was Distracted”

This isn’t so much as an excuse as a truth. Again, being busy, we do forget things. Often. We especially forget things we’d rather avoid.

“I’m Not Sure What’s Right”

When we were raised with certain values or someone we respect tells us one thing, and someone else we admire tells us the opposite, we find ourselves facing a moral dilemma. Most people would rather avoid having to make these kinds of decisions because it takes a lot of self-examination and a high level of comfort with your own beliefs to make them.

“It Was Easier to…”

Beware of rationalizations. They tend to come up to justify why we’re avoiding something else. Here’s a hint: it’s always easier to do just about anything other than what you’re avoiding.

“I Got Something Else Done”

This one is tricky. We love accomplishing things, but not all accomplishments are created equal. Sure, you cleaned your entire house, but didn’t you have a deadline for work you needed to make?

“I Needed to Do This First”

It’s so easy to mess up our priorities. Most of the time, we have a pretty good idea of which things really ought to be accomplished. Still, if we’re at all unsure for any reason, we’ll very quickly grab onto something else and avoid whichever option seemed harder at the time, leaving the more distasteful work for later. This is how we can screw up a To-Do list very quickly.

“It Was Important”

Are you sure your values are well-defined? We often elevate unimportant things to a higher status in our minds to avoid dealing with something else. For example, we might argue it’s healthy for us to have positive social interaction, so a night on the town with friends is preferable over staying in and getting the taxes done. The hard part lies in realizing just how these values can shift quickly. In this example, it might be you do need some quality time with your friends for the sake of mental health, so avoiding the taxes for one more day isn’t necessarily a problem tonight. But if it’s April 14^th and the taxes are due tomorrow, you might want to question your avoidance.

“That’s Not What I’m About”

We all have a very strong set of values, closely interwoven with our goals and dreams. Making decisions in keeping with these values is important. But if you’re making certain decisions solely to avoid doing things that bore you, make you uncomfortable, or seem like too much work, you need to start questioning your excuses and redefine what you’re calling values.

“I Don’t Have What I Need”

This can be very true. We don’t have unlimited resources to do everything we want. But is this the actual truth, or are you using this excuse to avoid trying? Oddly enough, we’re pretty good at finding resources when something we want is on the line.

“I’m Scared”

This emotion is very valid. We all become frightened sometimes. But stopping because you’re scared will only build the fear up to something larger in your mind. There comes a come when you need to confront what frightens you.

Are You Using Avoidance?

If you’re still not sure whether or not you’re using avoidance and ask yourself these questions:

• Am I worrying too much about other people’s problems rather than focusing on my own?
• Am I avoiding this stuff that makes me squirm?
• Do I find myself making a lot of excuses for why I’m not getting certain things done?
• Do I keep pushing things farther and farther back on the schedule?
• Am I using drugs or alcohol to escape from responsibility?
• Do I spend a lot of time with people who encourage me to avoid responsibility?
• Do I use a lot of escapism, such as binge-watching TV shows rather than getting things done?
• Do I often justify avoidance but calling it “self-care” just to take time off?

If you find the answer is yes to a lot of these questions, you might want to take some time to examine just what it is you’re avoiding and why. Pay special attention to the why, as this is where you’re going to find the deepest truths. More often than not, what we’re avoiding boils down to this one simple thing: we have a problem we’d rather not deal with just now. This needs to change. Keep reading to find out how.

How Do I Stop Avoiding?

Are you starting to feel like avoidance is everywhere? Thankfully, there are ways we can change this. With a little bit of focus, we can stop avoiding the hard tasks, have more awesome and life-changing conversations, and deal better with the intense situations in our lives.

Tips and Techniques

There’s a lot of different ways to tackle avoidance. This list contains a lot of different ideas to get you started. Because we are all very different, not every one of these items on this list will work for you. If it turns out you chose something which isn’t helping, simply go back and try something else. Also, feel free to experiment a little. If you hit on a formula that works, go with it!

Start Over

Success comes from a change in attitude. Remind yourself today is a brand-new day. Whatever happened in the past doesn’t matter. Whatever your mind has been screaming at you to do, today is the day it gets done.

Become Comfortable with Discomfort

We avoid so many things because they are hard. After all, who likes doing what makes them uncomfortable? The only way to get past this is to embrace the idea of being a little uncomfortable sometimes. There’s nothing wrong with pushing yourself to try something new. How to do this? Start with something which makes you just a little bit uncomfortable. For example, if you’re terrified of the idea of speaking in front of a large group of people, practice on a smaller group and then gradually increase the size of your audience until you become used to it. Soon you’ll stop avoiding public speaking altogether. 

Embrace Planning

One of the ways we avoid things is to ignore them altogether. It’s very hard to put off something which is on your schedule. By making a daily plan which includes some of the activities you’ve been avoiding, you will lose the excuse of not having enough time in the day and will have a constant visual reminder on your calendar of what needs to be done.

Take a Stab at It

Tell yourself you don’t have to finish what you’re avoiding right now. You just need to try it. Give yourself 5 minutes to see how it goes. You’ll be amazed how often 5 minutes can turn into 20 or more. Most of the time, all we need is just something to start us off.

Try Taking it Slow

Are you avoiding something because you’re overwhelmed by how large of a project it is? If so, try breaking it down into little pieces, which you can do over several days. By taking the project slowly, it will seem less daunting.

Baby Steps

Speaking of doing things in small pieces, even if you’re on a tight deadline, you can breakdown a project into tiny action steps. These baby steps with breaks in between will keep you moving without feeling overwhelmed, even if you’re racing the clock.

Listen to Your Inner Self

Have you ever heard a little voice inside yourself which pipes up to encourage you when you’re trying something hard? If not, it might be time to silence the negative voices so you can hear them. Make a practice of listening to your inner cheerleader. You will find this helps you to get things done.

Become More Mindful

We tend to avoid things that are the most worrying to us, especially when we’re unsure of the outcome. Instead of focusing on the future, get in the now by practicing mindfulness. You will find it easier to get done what you’ve been avoiding if you’re less worried about the outcome.

Learn to Self Soothe

A lot of times, we avoid things that caused us anxiety. Rather than running away from these feelings entirely, learn how to calm yourself and bring yourself back into the rational mind, whether you’re using a breathing exercise, a mantra, or some other method. Oddly enough, what feels like a step back will help you to move forward in the long run.

Grab an Accountability Partner

Generally, it’s a lot easier to do the hard things when you have someone who will hold you accountable for doing it. Find a friend who doesn’t mind checking up on you and occasionally calling you out when you’re avoiding what you should be doing.

Grab a Buddy

Have you been putting off the same things a friend is? Maybe it’s time to buddy up to get things done. When you both need to tackle the same avoidance issues, you’ll find having a partner who understands can make all the difference. If you don’t have a friend with the same problem, don’t be too quick to give up. There are people everywhere with the same avoidance issues. For example, sometimes, there are bulletin boards at your local gym where you can find a workout partner.

Build a Support Group

If you’re having some issues with a recurrent problem you’re avoiding, it might be you would benefit from a support group. Not sure where to find one? You can try online.

Check Your Reality

Are you sure the reason you’re avoiding something is valid? Sometimes it’s good to take a hard and critical look at what you’re avoiding and why. Could it be you’ve blown the matter out of proportion? If you try this and still aren’t sure, try talking to someone you trust to get their opinion.

Take a Deep Breath (or Two)

Sometimes all we need is to take a few deep breaths when we’re avoiding something, to give ourselves a little space before trying again. There’s nothing wrong with taking a few minutes to shift your perspective.

Consider the Situation

Ask yourself what’s going on here. Are you avoiding something because of another reason entirely? Often taking care of the root cause will remove the desire to avoid whatever it is you’re avoiding.

Focus on the Goal

When you’re avoiding an action, try looking at the big picture. What are you trying to do? By getting through this one thing, what doors will open? How will this advance you to the next level? Sometimes this reminder of your goals and what you’re fighting for is enough to get back in motion.

Try a To-Do List

If you have several things you’re avoiding, maybe it’s time to make a list of tasks to do in the day. Mix this list up a little with a few fun things, so it doesn’t all look like drudgery.

Make a Game Out of What Needs Doing

Once you have your To-Do list, how about making a game out of it? Give yourself time limits, make a bet with someone over whether you can get something done, create prizes. Do what you need to keep yourself stimulated and moving toward your goals.

Do What You’re Dreading Most

Sometimes the things we’re avoiding seem truly terrible in our minds because we’ve built them up to astronomical proportions. More often than not, they’re nowhere near as bad as what you’re thinking. Today tackle the most dreaded task and get it done. Even if you find it’s as bad as you thought it would be, at least, it’ll be done, and you don’t have to worry about it anymore.

Turn Off Your Phone

We’re great at using our phones as a distraction when we’re avoiding the things we need to do. Turn off your phone for the next hour and see if this helps you face what you’ve been avoiding.

Expand Your Knowledge

If you feel like you’re avoiding things because you don’t know how to move forward, take some time to learn the skills or gain the knowledge you need to keep this from happening. It might be you would benefit from a self-help book, a class, or even a conversation with a mentor to get you back on track.

Grab a Timer

Tell yourself you only have to do the dreaded thing you’ve been avoiding for the next ten minutes. Then grab a timer, set it, and go. Having an end in sight can make even the worst task seem easier. Pro-tip: keep to short bursts, even if the task is large. It’s a lot easier to work in 4 fifteen-minute increments with a break between than for a solid hour.

Create a Reward System

Remember how we talked about our natural inclination to avoid pain and seek pleasure? Turn around the unpleasant into something good, and the avoidance goes away. If you can’t change the task to be more fun, offer yourself a reward for getting it done. Even something small can be pleasurable enough to motivate and inspire you to get started.

Look at Things from Another Perspective

You’ve been building up this item you’ve been avoiding until it’s become a monster in your mind. But is it truly that bad? Talk to someone else and get their opinion on the matter. If you don’t have someone around to talk to, try stepping outside of yourself and looking at it through the eyes of someone else. For example, what would your best friend tell you right now?

Permit Yourself to Avoid Something Else

Okay, you need to do the thing your mind has been screaming at you to avoid. So why not give yourself a break? Make yourself a deal. You’ll do one thing you’ve been avoiding if you can avoid something else instead for a while. Sometimes a tradeoff can feel pretty good.

Get Moving

When we start avoiding several things in a row, it might be because we need a shift in mood. If you’re feeling burned out, try getting up and exercising. Even a brief walk can do wonders to stimulate a better mood and make you feel more ready to take on whatever comes next.

Drop Something from the List Entirely

Want to take the last idea a little bit further? Permit yourself to take something off your To-Do list completely. Find something you’ve been avoiding and tell yourself it’s all right never to do it at all.

Practice Forgiveness

Feeling awful because you’re still avoiding things and think you’re a failure? Start by forgiving yourself. It’s okay to avoid things. Sometimes it’s even healthy to put something off until later. If it wasn’t a good idea to avoid what you did, remember what happened in the past belongs in the past. This has nothing to do with today. It’s what you do going forward which counts.

Do the Work

If you’re avoiding things for deeply personal reasons, it might be time to work through some issues from the past. This can be a long and difficult process, especially as you reach in to explore the emotions connected with what you’re avoiding. Give yourself time and space to work through these issues, asking for outside help if you need to.

Seek Professional Help
If, after everything, you’re still struggling with avoiding certain things and can’t seem to move past them, consider talking to a counselor. Sometimes we all need a little help in getting started. There’s nothing wrong with getting help when you need it.

Conclusion

Avoidance doesn’t have to put the brakes on your life. By now, you’ve learned a few things about avoidance which have probably opened your eyes to some things you might never have considered before. The nice thing is, once you understand a thing, you can also start to see what you need to do to change the script and rewrite the movie of your life.

The good news? You are ready to get started. Armed with understanding why you’re avoiding the things your brain is screaming at you to do, you’re ready to put into play the various tips and tricks of the last chapter.

Even better, you’re about to change your life. Forget procrastination. No more ignoring things and hoping they disappear from your life before you have to deal with them. There’s something incredibly freeing in knowing you’re ready to face whatever challenge comes your way. This is you, stronger than ever and ready to take on the world.

Which tip will you try first? I’d love to hear from you. Subscribe to The Winning Room and leave a comment below.

Shereece